Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
