Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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