Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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