Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
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