i just wanna soil my oats bro
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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