the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
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I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
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Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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