she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
