Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
