I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
