I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
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