Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
