Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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