I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Randomize
