So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
