Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Randomize
