Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Randomize
