I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
