just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
