Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
