honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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