So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Randomize