He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Randomize
