I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
