the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Randomize
