carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
