i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
The Olympian is in my bed
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
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