Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
