I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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