so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
