i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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