Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
