a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
