I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
After last night, I could never be a politician.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
