We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
