May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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