i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
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Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
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I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
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