I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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