Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
