I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
