Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
