Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
