Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Randomize
