I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize