I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
