dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
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