According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
now i know why i became what i already was.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
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