i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
