So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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