i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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