Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
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