Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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