toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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