He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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