How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Randomize