It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Randomize
