We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
if only i could text you this smell
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
