Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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