: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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