i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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