I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
