Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
