I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
