It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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