You're my little dorito
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
