I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
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i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
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It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
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