You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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