if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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