I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
