no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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