nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
