he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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