i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
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