Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
