Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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