can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Damn victory sex feels great
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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