oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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