I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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