im holly from the hills drunk
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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