Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Randomize
