Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
