bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Randomize
